Hi, I am
Peter and I am 5 years old. I like my life very much because I have all the
toys that I want, like my classmates. We enjoy together all the day because
when I stay in my house I play with them online (my mother thinks that I stay
doing homework).
I am very sad because my parents said me that
the next week we will go to live to Zafra, a little village in the south
because my father has to work there.
Today is my
first day in this village but I hate this because only there are 6 children and
they are very different than me. They don´t have game boy, computer…
(Two months
later) I have to return to my city but I don´t want to come back because I
enjoy very much with Zafra´s children. I realized that the most important thing
is the company not only the quantity or quality of the toys.
I think that the story might have more mistery and in this way the reader can develop his imagiantion
ResponderEliminarthe story is very nice, but I'd change the end.
ResponderEliminarI mean, I'd write like you've started, for example:
"I don't want to return, I want to go to the field with my new friends, to play in the town square, etc."
And the change of attitude would be more emphasized.
I agree with Ernesto and maría. The idea of the story is good but maybe you should think about the development and edit it in order to make the reader implicate more.
ResponderEliminarAs I have read, I´m not going to say anything new. While I was reading the story I didn´t feel anything, but at the end, I realize it has a meaning. The use of time makes the story boring. It could be much shorter.
ResponderEliminar